Dog and Cat Diaries

September 1, 2010 at 8:10 pm 1 comment

Not that I would know, but I think cleaning closets probably results in unearthing treasures you’ve totally forgotten. Cleaning out old computer files is the closest I come to cleaning closets, and usually occurs when I’ve got other, less appealing, though higher priority work to do.  And so it is tonight.

In my cleaning, I stumbled across a bit ‘o pet humor to share with you. I wish I had written this. Please forgive the “forwarded email” indications. Procrastination allows me to reread old computer files, but not to remove “>” symbols, apparently. What discipline, eh?

__________________

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY

> > > > Day number 180
> > > > 8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 5:00 PM – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 5:30 PM – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > >
> > > > Day number 181
> > > > 8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 5:00 PM – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 5:30 PM – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > >
> > > > Day number 182
> > > > 8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 0:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 1:30 pm – ooooooo. bath. bummer.
> > > > 4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 5:00 PM – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > > 5:30 PM – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > >
> > > > EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY
> > > >
> > > > DAY 752 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
> > > > objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
> > > > cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
> > > > mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
> > > > Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
> > > >
> > > > DAY 761 – Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
> > > > feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top
> > > > of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
> > > > oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite
> > > > chair… must try this on their bed.
> > > >
> > > > DAY 765 – Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
> > > > attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
> > > > fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
> > > > good little cat I was…Hmmm.  Not working according to plan.
> > > >
> > > > DAY 768 – I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason
> > > > I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a
> > > > burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent
> > > > such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck
> > > > between my teeth.
> > > >
> > > > DAY 771 – There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
> > > > placed in solitary throughout the event.  However, I could hear the noise
> > > > and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call “beer..”  More
> > > > importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
> > > > “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it
> > > >
> > > > DAY 774 – I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
> > > > snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
> > > > return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to
> > > > be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports
> > > > my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety
> > > > is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Pets. Tags: , , .

Washing Clair’s Fleece to an Early 70’s Tune Fiber Arts Friday Found

1 Comment Add your own

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Tess Tweets

Categories

Shameless Self-promotion

Fun things for fiber lovers at www.coldhandswarmart2.etsy.com

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 244 other followers

Bookmark and Share
The Hunger Site

%d bloggers like this: